๐Ÿ’ญ

This is, quite literally, the worst thing I’ve ever done…

That said, I promised I’d do it… So here goes nothing…


๐Ÿ“–

As we were planning for our annual, comprehensive Food & Wine Festival tasting, one of our tasters made a joke about how no one actually reads our painstakingly-crafted and incredibly-expensive-to-create reviews.

That quip quickly snowballed into our team spitballing ways to increase the popularity of these reviews. One of the methods proposed? Convey our thoughts on each dish exclusively by means of a single emoji.

My response? “Ok, I know this was a joke, but what if…

Needless to say, that was a mistake. A mistake that I regret to a degree I didn’t know possible. A mistake that resulted in the creation of this repulsive monstrosityโ โ€”the first ever Food & Wine Festival emoji review.


๐Ÿ”จ

After a great deal of reluctance from my fellow tasters, I convinced them to work the selection of an emoji for every last dish at Busch Gardens Williamsburg’s Food & Wine Festival into our review workflow.

It was slow going. As it turns out that picking a single emoji to describe your impressions of a dish is actually very, very difficult. I assumed that we’d progressively get faster as the two-day tasting process wore on; but, alas, that hope was misplaced.

There’s a good chance the addition of emojis to the review process nearly doubled the time each booth took. This alone made this whole idea a humongous mistake.

That said, I was insistent that we continue. I was convinced it would at least be mildly interesting to see what emojis our tasters came up with to describe the wide array of offerings at the festival. Frankly, I was wrong on that account as well.


๐ŸŽบ

Despite this content being literal trash, after all of the time and effort that went into it, it deserves to be seen in all of its gruesome, horrific glory. Below you’ll find every dish at the 2019 Busch Gardens Williamsburg Food & Wine Festival presented alongside six emojiโ€”one from each tasterโ€”describing their impressions of the dish.

Normally I’d ask you to enjoy the content you’re about to consume, butโ€”spoiler alertโ€”you won’t because it’s very, very bad. In fact, you know what? Don’t even scroll any further. Just actually read Part I and Part II of our actual Food & Wine Festival Review. Nicole legitimately does a great job writing and presenting the only comprehensive BGW F&WF review out there, I promise! Plus, whoever does the formatting on those articles… Whew, he deserves a raiseโ€”that’s some impressive work!

Ugh. Enough stalling. I know your sick curiosity has brought you this farโ€”much like my own drove me to create thisโ€”so whatever. Just take it. But this is the only one you’re ever gonna get. We are never, ever going to do this shit again.


๐Ÿ“‹

Brazil

Abacaxi
๐Ÿ”ฎ ๐Ÿšฌ ๐Ÿ˜ค ๐Ÿšญ ๐Ÿคข ๐Ÿ
Churrasco
๐Ÿค‘ ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป ๐ŸŒณ ๐Ÿ• ๐Ÿค” ๐ŸŽฏ
Linguiรงa
๐Ÿ‘… ๐Ÿค ๐Ÿ’จ ๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ—

Cuba

Cuban Sandwich
๐Ÿœ ๐Ÿ…พ๏ธ ๐Ÿ˜‹ ๐Ÿž ๐Ÿ“ฆ ๐Ÿ˜ญ
Ropa Vieja
โžฐ ๐Ÿ™‡๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ ๐Ÿฝ ๐Ÿ’” ๐Ÿ˜• ๐Ÿฒ

Desserts

Mini Cannoli Trio
๐Ÿค” ๐Ÿ”• โ˜๏ธ ๐Ÿ˜ด ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ ๐Ÿฅ€
Panna Cotta
๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿผโ€๐Ÿ”ฌ ๐Ÿ’” ๐Ÿจ ๐Ÿงš๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ โ˜น๏ธ ๐Ÿ‡พ๐Ÿ‡น
Tiramisu
๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ’– ๐Ÿฐ ๐ŸŽ‰ ๐ŸŽฐ โ˜•๏ธ

French Quarter

Bananas Foster Cheesecake
๐Ÿ”† ๐Ÿฏ ๐ŸŒ ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿฅœ ๐Ÿ’ƒ
Beignets
๐Ÿ‘ ๐ŸŽท ๐Ÿ›Œ โœ‚๏ธ ๐Ÿคค ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ
Muffaletta
๐Ÿฅ— ๐Ÿ› โ™ฃ๏ธ ๐Ÿฆ— โ˜น๏ธ ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ
Shrimp ร‰touffeรฉ
๐Ÿท ๐Ÿ“‰ ๐Ÿฒ ๐Ÿฆ” ๐Ÿคจ ๐Ÿคฎ

Hawaii

Hawaiian Mac & Cheese
๐Ÿ•ณ ๐Ÿ™„ ๐Ÿ‘ผ๐Ÿผ ๐Ÿ‘‘ ๐Ÿ™„ ๐Ÿ˜‘
Huli Huli Chicken
๐Ÿ  ๐Ÿ˜ด โš–๏ธ ๐Ÿ’œ ๐Ÿฅ” ๐Ÿ’ค
Pineapple Coconut Mousse
๐Ÿฅซ ๐Ÿ™…๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ ๐Ÿ‘› ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ› โ˜Ž๏ธ
Tuna Poke
๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ ๐Ÿคข ๐Ÿฌ ๐Ÿ•Š ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ’ก

Ireland

Bangers with Colcannon
๐Ÿ– ๐Ÿ”› ๐Ÿก ๐ŸŒ ๐Ÿ˜’ ๐Ÿšถ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ
Guinness Mousse
๐Ÿ˜‘ ๐Ÿซ ๐Ÿ” ๐Ÿซ ๐Ÿซ โœ๏ธ
Irish Cheese Sampling
๐Ÿคต๐Ÿป ๐Ÿฅ‚ ๐Ÿ‡ ๐Ÿ•ณ ๐Ÿ’ค ๐Ÿง

Italy

Caprese
๐Ÿ… ๐Ÿ•ถ ๐ŸŒฟ ๐Ÿ… ๐Ÿ… ๐ŸŒฟ
Creamy Mushroom Risotto
๐Ÿคฌ ๐Ÿง€ ๐ŸŽป ๐Ÿง€ ๐Ÿ—ป ๐Ÿš

Jamaica

Gamba Fritters
๐Ÿ ๐Ÿ† ๐Ÿ’‹ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿคฉ ๐Ÿ’ฆ
Jerk Chicken Slider
๐ŸŒถ ๐Ÿ“ˆ ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ†™ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ”ฅ
Pineapple Rum Upside-Down Cake
๐Ÿฅƒ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿฅซ ๐Ÿ’ ๐Ÿ ๐Ÿฅƒ

Japan

California Roll
๐Ÿ—ฝ ๐Ÿคญ ๐Ÿ˜ โ›ฉ โ›ฝ๏ธ โ›ฝ๏ธ
Lettuce Wrap
โ—ป๏ธ ๐ŸŽ ๐ŸŒŠ ๐Ÿฅ— โค๏ธ ๐Ÿฅ—
Matcha Ice Cream
๐Ÿ—พ ๐Ÿ‚ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿคข ๐Ÿ™…โ€โ™‚๏ธ ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ
Mushi-Gyoza
๐ŸŠ ๐Ÿ’‹ ๐Ÿ’– ๐Ÿคค ๐Ÿ‘˜ ๐ŸฅŸ

Mediterranean

Dolmades
๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ท ๐Ÿฅ’ ๐Ÿš ๐Ÿ‘„ ๐Ÿ‘Œ ๐Ÿ’ƒ๐Ÿป
Lamb Burger Slider
๐Ÿ‘ โš–๏ธ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ” ๐Ÿฅ’ ๐ŸŽฐ
Loukoumades
๐Ÿ›ข ๐ŸŽ„ ๐Ÿฅ˜ โ˜๏ธ ๐Ÿฉ ๐Ÿ
Spanakopita
๐Ÿ‹๏ธ ๐Ÿ˜Ž ๐ŸฅŸ ๐Ÿ’  ๐Ÿ™Œ ๐Ÿ—บ

Mexico

Carne Asada Taco
๐Ÿง‚ ๐Ÿ’ค ๐ŸŒฝ ๐ŸŒฑ ๐Ÿ”” ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป
Chorizo Empanada
๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป โ„๏ธ ๐Ÿฅ– ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿผโ€โ™‚๏ธ ๐Ÿœ ๐Ÿฆ•
Fried Shrimp Taco
๐Ÿฅ‡ ๐ŸŒถ ๐Ÿš’ ๐Ÿฆ ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐ŸŽถ

Philippines

Chicken Adobo
๐Ÿ˜ฐ ๐Ÿซ โ›ฐ ๐Ÿš ๐Ÿ˜ก ๐Ÿ‘œ
Mamon
๐Ÿ”ฌ ๐Ÿฎ ๐ŸŒต ๐Ÿƒ ๐Ÿคจ ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ
Siopao
๐Ÿž ๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿฅ„ ๐Ÿฅก ๐Ÿฅ– ๐Ÿž

South Korea

Beef Bulgogi
๐Ÿ‘ฉ๐Ÿปโ€๐Ÿš’ ๐Ÿ› ๐Ÿค  ๐Ÿ‚ ๐Ÿ˜ ๐Ÿ”Ž
Korean BBQ Pork Ribs
๐Ÿ“› ๐Ÿ˜– ๐Ÿ˜ก ๐Ÿ– ๐Ÿ˜‘ ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿปโ€โ™‚๏ธ

Virginia

Bacon & Cheddar Hushpuppies
๐Ÿถ ๐Ÿ“› ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿฅ“ ๐Ÿœ ๐Ÿ›ข
Pecan, Bacon & Chocolate Bars
๐Ÿฌ ๐Ÿฟ ๐Ÿฆ‡ ๐Ÿค” ๐Ÿฅง ๐Ÿญ
She-Crab Soup
โ›ต๏ธ ๐ŸŸ ๐Ÿฅฃ ๐Ÿฅ› ๐Ÿฆ€ ๐Ÿฆ€


๐Ÿ—ฟ

Huge thanks to Nicole, Belsaas, Gavin, Renee, and Thomas for putting up with all of this emoji review bullshit. This article is solid proof that it doesn’t work so, needless to say, this will never be inflicted upon any of you again. โค๏ธ